pensar.

Like most people I am cursed with mind that never stops. Its not intelligent thoughts, its thoughts from the distant past to the unknown future. Touching on dozens ideas a minute, unharnessed and undisciplined. This in itself is not necessarily a problem it’s the emotional attachments that come with the thinking. A happy thought makes me happy but then---quickly to a sad thought and I decide to feel sorry for myself and loneliness follows promptly. The other problems with this is that you are never where you Are, you are always digging in the past or hoping for the future. Its like when you go on vacation and you say, “Oh its so beautiful here I want to come back here.” But we are there.
We just had a group of people come from Oklahoma. There was a guy named Justin among the group who said,” You have to be okay with being where you are.” If your home there will be times you wish you were away and if you’re away there will be times you wish you were home. It reminded me of what Paul says to the Philippians. “ I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. I can do everything through him who gives me strength.
I think about my own life and how I am constantly hopping around to adjust myself to discomfort-physical, emotional, psychological. I either spend my time squirming away from some uncomfortable distress or look hungrily toward even more pleasure. I wonder how my life would change if I learned to trust God with my well-being and learn that secret of being content instead of getting dragged along the windy road of circumstance.
All of these questions came back to me one evening when I found a quiet bench to sit at in the park and I had decided to spend some time in prayer. No movement, no agitation, no distractions just focused prayers. As soon as I sat down I began to realize how cold it was and that I didn’t have a jacket. The air was biting and I was uncomfortably chilly. Then I started to think I was a little hungry and that a coffee might warm me up. I thought this is a bad time to pray right now, I need to get a coat and a coffee and then I can focus.
I presented myself with a little experiment-what if I sat through this for once? What if I just was cold for one long hour of my life?
So I did it. I sat there and shivered and got some goose bumps. If I could sit through this non-lethal physical discomfort what other discomforts can I sit through? What about emotional discomforts, which are even harder for me to endure? What about loneliness, boredom, anger, fears?
I realize that this experiment isn’t the most heroic act of history but I have never not quenched a thirst. I have been a puppet to this and a million of other small and large signals of pain or pleasure throughout my life. Whenever something happens I always react.
And I am righting all this because life and Spain is full of discomforts and in seeking the abundant life you have to revert from what attracts you and swim towards which is difficult. You abandon your comforting and familiar habits with the promise that something greater has been offered for you. The bible is full of these paradoxes. Lose your life to find it, the last shall be first, the poor will be rich. It doesn’t make sense but that is where faith pervades and there is a lot to be said about faith…